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Deceptive Advertising

I'm heading to Atlantic City for August 4th weekend to celebrate Ilan's bachelor party. Davey Roose and I are heading down Friday night to get a head start on the festivities (i.e., to have time to play poker without distractions). Everyone else will be arriving on Saturday. If you are going to be in AC hit me up with an email before that date and we can swap digits or something. I'll probably be pretty busy, but busy = poker and I'm sure you have the same idea in motion.

The plan, as I see it, is to play a tournament at Showboat (official AC casino hotel of HighOnPoker) on Saturday morning at 11am. It's 50+10, 5k starting chips (if I'm not mistaken) and 20 minute levels. I bubbled in it once, lost when we were down to 20% of the players another time. So, I like it a lot.

But here's the fun part. I've always wanted to tell people at the poker table that I am a comic strip artist. I don't know why. I just like the idea of making up some random identity. However, when the time comes, I usually let out the truth.

This is where you come in. I want to come up with a new "back story" at the table. Who am I? What's my job? Do I have any whacky stories about my life and experiences?

So, I'm taking submissions. If you have an idea of how I can make an ass of myself at the table or otherwise deceive or confound my table mates, let me know. Thanks!

posted by Jordan @ 12:46 PM,

14 Comments:

At 1:09 PM, Blogger Drizztdj said...

Tell them you're dairy farmer from Wisconsin or a professional Lutefisk taster from Minnesota.

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

Your name is Ben Jordan and you are a paranormal investigator. A young man from Philadelphia, is fresh out of college and has decided to become a paranormal investigator. Each case finds him travelling to a different location, investigating local legends and paranormal phenomena. Join Ben on his adventures as he discovers that there's more to being a paranormal investigator than just exploring old buildings and photographing orbs.

Your first case finds you in the Florida Everglades, looking for something known as "The Skunk-Ape" which is said to be a local variation on Bigfoot. The Skunk-Ape got its name because of its horrible smell, described as a mixture of moldy cheese, rotten eggs, and dung.

Several park rangers have been murdered, and so Ben is called in to investigate the possibility that the Skunk-Ape is involved. Help him survive long enough to solve his first case!

If you need more backstory: http://www.grundislavgames.com/benjordan/

 
At 2:01 PM, Blogger cmitch said...

Here is a challenge for you. Make up the backstory on the spot - Keyser Soze Style.

Picking your name will probably be pretty easy - I'm thinking "Chip"

There should be lots of things around the poker room that will help you generate a good story or you can just rely on the cards.

If you get dealt QQ, you can talk about the time that you met the Hilton Sisters or Seigfried and Roy.

J5 - talk about your experience with Michael.

JKo - um, might not want to tell that story.

AA - You can tell them how you used to be a pilot/baggage handler or whatever for American Airlines before they laid you off.

27 - You used to be a roadie for MC Hammer.

Q3 - You are a gay waiter. (might want to keep your mouth shut on that hand.) (Queen with a Tre.)

You get the idea. You are creative and can probably think of a new story with each deal.

Good Luck.

 
At 2:16 PM, Blogger C.L. Russo said...

Start a story off with

"One time, at band camp..."

 
At 2:42 PM, Blogger Pokerwolf said...

You're a set designer for the porno industry.

This will be easy to pull off because most people have NO idea about various components that are required for film making.

So, talk about lighting, paint styles, and wood types (honestly, just make shit up. Use simple woods you find at Home Depot like oak and pine for example).

Honestly, if you just talk a lot about "matching things to people's skin tones" you'll put most of the guys at the table on "porn tilt" and totally throw them off their game.

 
At 2:44 PM, Blogger CJ said...

If you can top G-Rob's elaborate "nougat farmer," then more power to you.

Bonus points if you get into a discussion with a drunk player over the difference between nougats and fig newtons.

 
At 3:05 PM, Blogger HighOnPoker said...

Wow! These are some great responses. I think I'll take a smattering and post them tomorrow. Right now, I really like the Kaiser Souze idea. "Yes, I work as a...poker player. My wife is a...coctail waitress. I love drinking...Tropicana. I live in...Royal Flush." Maybe I'm not so good at that, but I'll give it a try.

Waffle's idea is great too. Skunk Ape? Freaking awesome.

I think the Wolf's idea would probably be the most effective. First, its easy to make up a backstory. Dropped out of film school at NYU. Found an ad. Doing well in the industry. My wife doesn't even know. Plus, it has tilting possibilities. I need to "bone up" on my porn actress names, but I can always say, "we specialize in up and comers."

Please, please, please, keep em coming, um, no pun intended.

 
At 3:27 PM, Blogger Chi_Town said...

You are a freelance cinematographer, and have worked with production teams at The Discovery Channel... You have been in projects with "Dirty Jobs" and "Mythbusters" (if you are familiar with those programs... if not, go with the porno... Jill Kelly has her own production Co. now, so you can work for her).

There are loads of ficticious anecdotes about the Discovery programs... and the porno stuff as well.

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger Matt Silverthorn said...

I second the Kaiser Soze idea. That would be freaking awesome.

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger meanhappyguy said...

Kaiser Soze idea all the way!

 
At 10:33 AM, Blogger Pokerwolf said...

You're a product tester for various products.

Sporting equipment (you could make up what tests you do), food, a brewery (now THERE'S an idea! You can even make it better by ordering a beer and complaining about how it tastes!), or something really funky like Odor Eaters.

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger HighOnPoker said...

Very good Wolf! Professional taste tester. I started in the beer trade for Jim Cooke at Sam Adam's. "Can I get a Sam? What you don't have that here? Bring me whatever you go that's closest." Five minutes later: "What the hell! What's up with the body? And the aroma, too? This was clearly made with mid-western hops during the offseason. Can I get a decent beer in here?"

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Bloody P said...

You could tell people that you used to be a "dog house architect" but were sick of the grind of designing luxury pads for pooches and that you wanted to let your creative side REALLY show, so you are now a comic strip artist and you draw a strip called "Behind the Meat Curtains" which is syndicated in over 32 newspapers worldwide.

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger TripJax said...

You write scripts for porn movies.

After you tell them that, you have to come up with some good names for ones you've written...like tell them you wrote Saving Ryan's Privates...and so on...

 

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