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An Internal Dilemna

This morning, I was definitely in the mood. As I got dressed, groggy from the night before when I ironically got MORE sleep than usual, I grabbed my supplies from their usual spot and loaded up my bag. Poker wallet, check! Baseball cap, check! iPod, check! I even opted for the Moose roach clip/card cap that Katitude gave me at Okie Vegas, instead of my usual mini Buddha statues.

I figured it was Tuesday, and since my dinner plans with el Jefe and Dutchie were canceled for the second week in a row, I should take the opportunity to visit my friends and donators at the Salami Club, where I've won 50% of my tournaments, and bubbled in 50% of the tournaments I lost. The idea of playing was exciting. After all, I don't get to play live often, and I truly love this game.

But then something happened. Work.

I've spent the last 2.5 hours researching possible insurance claims in a case we are going to bring in Federal Court in New Jersey. I've never tried a case in NJ Federal Court, never drafted a federal complaint in any state, and never had an insurance claim case like this. Understand, there is a wide variety of insurance-related litigation, but my involvement has been mostly when insurance companies are covering the defense costs and any verdicts. This, however, was a suit against a life insurance company, and it was and is all new to me.

After 2.5 hours of research, its hard to find ones bearings. Its sort of like searching through the woods for a particular tree. You may start the voyage with a mental image of that tree in your head, but while you are looking at all of the other trees and following all these possible paths and streams and other markers, that image fades away, until you suddenly find a whole slew of trees that look a whole lot like that tree you were looking for, but you just aren't sure, since that mental image has faded.

That's me. Lost in the trees.

That's not to say that I'm lost. I have a good handle on the situation, and I expect it all to be a lot easier tomorrow when I come in with a fresh head and all these cut-down trees on my desk. But still, it put me in a bit of a funk, and I just don't know if Salami is such a good idea anymore.

Make no doubt about it, Jordan is a hermit. Or a would-be hermit, more accurately. I find a definite comfort in my home, and in the past this has caused me to avoid socializing with friends or even running errangs. Its 10% lazy and 90% content in my life, but its 100% problematic at times. Part of me just wants to go home tonight, skip the tournament and relax. Maybe I'll finish the episode of The 4400 on my DVR or finish the last episode of Rescue Me from the Netflix DVD of season 3. Maybe I'll play the Monkey Tourney on Stars or play a bunch of games at Full Tilt. But whatever I'm doing, it ain't live poker, and that's what concerns me.

Am I being smart by not playing when I'm not in the mood, or am I limiting my possibility of profit by not playing at all? I can tell you now that I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. My one concern with playing is that I don't want to get antsy during the tournament and donk it up.

Ah, who the fuck are we kidding. I gotta go now so I can make the game. But only ONE buy-in...and maybe the add-on.

Until next time, make mine poker!

posted by Jordan @ 6:04 PM,


At 9:57 PM, Blogger Wolverine Fan said...

Curious to see how you do. Just contemplating so deeply if you should play or not would, to me, be an indication that your head wasn't on right and you probably shouldn't play.

Good luck and I hope I am wrong.

At 1:26 AM, Blogger 2dollarjack said...

Cue: Man on TV waving Gamb Anon pamphlet.
Haha just kidding. As long as you are not in a negative mood, I guess you can't really do all that much harm.

At 9:24 AM, Blogger HighOnPoker said...

EPILOGUE: When I got to the game, there were two cash games going (5/5 NL, but plays like 10/20), and only one table for the tournament. It didn't feel right, so I left. I didn't play, but I won some cash in a Razz MTT and HORSE SNG at home, so it all worked out.

At 11:27 AM, Blogger lj said...

shoulda gone to nicelook! good times...


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