Check It: DADI |


Ace-Queen Follows Me to NiceLook

I don't know what Ace Queen's problem is. Lately, whenever I am sitting at a poker table, virtual or real, Ace Queen keeps showing up like the neighbor chick you hooked up with while drunk at college and now can't seem to shake. I'm trying to bring AA home, but once AQ sees me at the bar, she has to comes up, all drunk with smeared lipstick, being all, "Why haven't you been calling (with) me? Let's hang out," as she paws me and tries her best not to spill her nasty well drink. Sure enough, AA is too high class for this shit, and even KK, QQ and JJ are in the corner looking at me and tsk'ing while AQ insists on getting her attention. More and more, I just want to kick the bitch to the curb, but most often I'm desperate for some action and I'm willing to put up with the bitch as long as she is willing to put out. Yeah, that's the problem though. AQ is a cock tease, so usually after first base (the flop) she falls asleep on me, drooling while we are crammed on the couch semi-spooning with my hand on her boob.

You hear that AQ?! Quit falling asleep on me!

So, I returned to NiceLook card club last night. I left directly from work, having realized that I forgot most of my poker gear. No hat and no sunglasses makes Jordan a very different player. In all actuality, my play wasn't too different, and I took the lack of camo with stride, but I also knew that I couldn't do my usual eye-darting madness at the table.

Most of you know this, but for those who don't, the reason why I wear sunglasses at the table is not because I don't want people picking up my eye tells. It's not like I blink twice whenever I get a pocket pair. It is actually to hide my eyes so players don't realize that I'm carefully watching them. I'll turn my head forward, but my eyes are straining all the way to the right trying to catch a glimpse of how you throw the chips into the pot. I don't want to be staring right at you because then you know I am paying attention and you could get cute with me and throw in fake tells or overact. I want you comfortable and seemingly anonymous as you make your actions. Also, I have glaucoma, or at least that's what I tell the players stupid enough to ask why I'm wearing glasses.

So, without the cover of sunglasses, I had to just let my eyes dart out in the open. I'll sometimes lean back in my chair as well, so that I am not where players expect me to be when I'm watching them. This really only works when I'm not in the hand. You can get your best info when you are out of a hand.

It was an interesting table when I first sat down. There was definitely a mix of gamblers and rocks, with a decent amount of solid players. In my second hand, I was dealt AKo UTG, a tough position with that hand, made even tougher by the fact that I had no reads on the table yet. I raised to $15 in order to thin the herd, but in hindsight, I probably should've limped. Whatever the case, I got three callers, including a call from the SB, a female player who was channeling Phil Ivey. Femme Ivey was a coffee-with-creme skinned black or mulato girl with her curly hair bulled back. She wore a grey fleece and had thin fingers with short fingernails (she was two seats to my right, so her hands were the easiest things to watch. Aside from her pretty face, you'd think she was a guy. She barely talked, not once during a hand, but when she did chat between hands, it was clear that she was confident and intelligent. Out of everyone, all males except for Femme Ivey, it was Femme that instantly intimidated me the most. Mind you, it wasn't intimidation that would throw me off my game; rather, it was intimidation that would heighten my senses and make me especially cautious against her.

The flop came down KJ9. Ostensibly, that's a decent flop. I have top pair top kicker, but there is a possible straight, and with all those highcards, I thought two-pair would be a possibility also. Whatever the case, I didn't know the table, so after Femme Ivey checked to me, I bet $50, less than the pot. One player, a round-faced Asian guy in his early twenties wearing a hoodie and believing with all his might that he was a shark (more accurately, he was a big fish), called me. Femme Ivey then raised to $150 total ($100 on top). When it got back to me, I had to really think this through. I tried to figure out if she could possibly be check-raise bluffing me. The $100 on top was a tall order, without reference to the pot of course, and she may have thought that I would fold since I only sat with $300 total, the maximum buy-in. Also, she could have put me on a lesser pair making a continuation bet. Still, I couldn't comfortably buy that argument. She was out of position, and facing a confident raiser and a caller. Ultimately, I envisioned her holding KJ for two pair. I wasn't going to go out like that. I folded, as did the Hooded Asian.

Later, when she pulled that move on another player or three, I leaned past the guy on my right and said to Femme Ivey, "I swear, you are like Carbon Monoxide." She looked at my quizzically, so I continued, "the silent killa." Yeah, I'm a dork.

I was definitely bummed about being down $65 so quickly, but I remembered that it was all a matter of playing smart and the money would eventually come back to me. An orbit or so later, I'm in the SB when I'm dealt...AQo. By the time the action got to me, there was a straddle for $5 and about 5 callers. I considered raising to push all those $5 off of their hands, but ultimately, I did not want a call and be out of position with AQo, the Fickle Bitch. The flop came down AQ2, and I checked, expecting one of the many limpers to have an Ace and therefore bet out. It checked around. The turn was a 7. This time, I decided that I had to bet and threw a handful of redbirds ($5 chips) into the pot, for a total of $35. I had hoped that it looked like an out of position bluff because of the fact that the flop was checked down. To my delight, the player on my immediate left decided to push all-in for his remaining $76 or so, total. It folded around to me and I called. The river was a blank. Before I showed my cards, a squib (a personal term for someone who I do not like for no discernible reason) on my immediate right called out "AQ?" I tabled my hand, "Nice call," I replied to the squib. Sure, he read me correctly, but calling out my hand like that actually fired me up even more. I made it a goal to get under his skin later. Meanwhile, the player on my left who was all-in showed A7. I guess it is good that I checked the flop. Oh, and yes, AQ paid out. Thanks, you cheeky whore.

I'll just quickly mention that I got AQ about 4 times yesterday. This was the only win. (No, I'm not complaining. I just wanted to explain why I bitched and moaned about AQ following me everywhere, and then mention only one AQ hand that I won).

Sadly, not every poker story can be filled with my genius. There will inevitably be days when I don't win, and I've come to accept that unescapable fact. Following the AQ hand, I was a little above even. Over the course of several orbits, I ended up down about $50-60. A player in the 10s (I was in the 7s) was particularly playing well, with well over $1000 in front of him. I'd seen his type many times before. He was slightly overweight, dressed comfortably, but not sloppily, wearing an army green baseball cap and sporting a full beard. He was a young guy, definitely in his 20s, but he had an aire of confidence that is an absolutely necessary thing to have at the table. I had been re-raised off a bunch of hands, and one hand in particular saw that guy, we'll call him Army Cap, raising my $30 continuation bet in a move that could only be designed to push me off of the pot. Sadly, I held AQ, and the KTx board scared me enough to fold.

So it was with this knowledge, that I bet out to $15 from EP with 77. In hindsight, I'm not so sure that it was a smart raise. On one hand, I wanted to narrow the field and then bet out on a ragged flop when I would only be called by one or two players with overcards. On the other, I probably should've limped and played for set value out of position. Alas, I bet, and I got three callers. The flop was J36 with two hearts. That wasn't too bad for me. I really only feared someone flopping the Jack, or possibly someone with a small overpair like 88 or 99, because otherwise, I believe TT-AA would probably raise me preflop. I bet out $30, and Army Cap raised me to $90. It folded to me and I had a decent amount of chips behind me. I decided to push all-in. At the time, the thought was that I figured he was playing the player. He had seen me fold to him and other players to re-raises on my continuation bets. If he was on a Jack, maybe I could push him off. After all, this was the first time I had pushed all-in, which often is a sign of supreme confidence. But really, I just played stupid. He called and by the river he showed his two pair, 36c. He then said to the table, a couple of whom were obviously oblivious to strategy beyond Bet Good Cards, that "That is the reason why you call with 36c." He wasn't being a dick, and his comment didn't bother me. Truth be told, I was in decent shape when we were all-in. If the Jack paired or the turn and river paired eachother, then I'd have a better two pair. But still, stupid play. I was stacked.

I immediately rebought for $300 more. The Squib on my left was licking his chops. Earlier he commented, after winning a big all-in bluff, that he was still stuck several hundred. That actually pleased me a bit. He was a normal looking guy with brown hair and scattered stubble on his plain, slightly hick-ish looking face. He wore a long-sleeved collared t-shirt thing (like a rugby shirt) with broad stripes. He just had an aire of arrogance around him that I immediately sensed.

In one hand, I held KTo, and decided to limp on the button along with 5 or so other players. The flop was Ace-high and we call checked. The turn was a Ten. A new guy to my immediate left bet $10. He got a bunch of callers, myself included. The river was a blank. It checked around, and all of the other players held their cards tight. I was on the button, so there was no way I'm showing first. Proper rules has the players show in order from the SB on. The dealer got impatient and said, "Come on guys. Show the winner." Slowly, the players showed their hands. One player paired a duece. Another had K3o for nothing. Another player had 33. Once I had seen them all, I said, "My tens are good?" I tabled my hand. The chips were pushed my direction and the Squib, who was out of the hand, decided to chime in. "Wow, first you slowplay the Ten, then you slowroll?" This piqued my interest. Notably, he wasn't even in the hand. I turned to him slightly. "First off, I don't slowroll. Second, who is slowplaying? There is a ten out there." I don't know why I was justifying my play. He replied, "Yeah, but you are stuck a couple of hundred. This was my openning. Eariler in the night, when the Hooded Asian and his two goofy whiteboy sidekicks were stacked three in a row, he wouldn't stop saying, "They're all going to tilt now." Meanwhile, I was thinking, and finally said, "Shut up. If they hear they are tilting, they are going to get control of themselves." Now, the Squib was telling me that I should've bet out with middle pair because I was stuck a few hundred. "Actually," I replied, "betting more because you are stuck is called tilting. I don't make my money tilting." It sounded better in person. In text, it just seems ghey. But I was basically putting him back in his place. Little bitch.

I was eventually down to about $240 or so, and I started feeling the crunch of being stuck. I decided that I was leaving at 9pm no matter what. I was also going to keep playing smart and wait for my opportunity to win my money back. It was all a matter of time.

I was dealt KQc in EP, and decided to limp. By then, the table became a lot more limp-friendly. There was an older man with a tattered t-shirt, wild white hair and a scruffy face sitting in the 9s. He played tight, mostly, and raised to $12. The Hooded Asian called, still tilting from eariler losses, and I called as well. The flop was a gorgeous Jx9c8c. I had an inside straight draw and the second-nut flush draw. I checked. The old man bet $25 and the Hooded Asian called. I called as well. The turn was a Ts. I had the nut straight. Of course, I checked. Let them do the betting for me. The old man bet $45 and the Hooded Asian called. I looked at my stack, $168 total, and pushed all-in. The old man asked how much, and the dealer told him $168. I could tell that I would have to induce the call. I've said this many times before, but excuse me for repeating myself. When you want a call like this, your best strategy is to keep quiet...until it is clear that your opponent is going to fold. Then, start talking. Do anything. You can't negatively affect the outcome, but you may be able to talk them into calling. More often than not, players see chattiness as a sign that you are playing mind games because you don't have the goods. A smart player will catch on and know that talking (especially when someone appears comfortable while they chat) is a sign of a good hand, but that is why I start quiet and then get chatty when it looks like my opponent needs encouragement to call. I interrupted, "Actually its only $123 more." The dealer was actually rude, "Yeah, but its $168 total." "Sure," I replied, "but I'm trying to induce the call." There it was, announcing my intentions. Remember my tip from earlier this week. For whatever reason, people are more likely to tell the truth at the table than they are to show it through their actions. I was announcing my freaking strategy. The old man folded though, and I turned my attention onto the Hooded Asian. "Come on, man. It's only another $123 more. Double me up." "I call." (Sweet!). The river was an offsuit King. I showed my nut former straight, now the second nut straight. He folded and said "Damn." I was making strides back to even.

From there, I just had fun. The Hooded Asian and his two whiteboy cronies were tilting, but they were just kids and fun to have around. I buddied up to the guy on my immediate left because I had seen him around and knew he was a good player. It's better to be friends with good players. I had some fun, raising to $4 total (min raise) with ATo. The redheaded sidekick called along with a chubby, nerdy new player. The flop was Ten-high. It checked to me and I bet out $4, a paltry sum. Only the red-headed sidekick called. The turn was a blank, or at least its a blank to me now. I bet out $10, another paltry sum. He tossed in the chips without a care. The river was another blank. Hell, maybe the turn or river was an overcard to my Ten. I just don't remember. He checked and I bet $35. "Sorry man, you checked too much." He called and when I showed the AT, he mucked. This was just me goofing around and slowly building a pot.

There wasn't much else happening. I had fun chatting with the table, but I started to feel hunger pains. When 9pm rolled around, a new dealer took the box. This one was a chick, and while she was a solid 6.5 out of 10, she paled in comparison to the female weekend dealer with those oh so fluffy dirty pillows. Still, when she sat, I wanted to finish the 3 hands left in the orbit, and I asked her how that worked. I had seen players not pay time ($5 per half hour) and play a hand or two before walking. I asked her if I could finish my orbit. She looked at me with a funny smile. "Orbit?" "Yeah, I just want to play the next few hands." "Orbit?" I guess she never heard the term before. To me it is standard terminology. Each time that the button goes around the table is an orbit. I wanted to play until I was the BB. We joked a bit as she explained that it was a weird word. Okay, lady, but if I smile and play along, will you let me play some more hands for free. The house rule is that you get one free hand, but she gave me the full three. "Enjoy your orbit."

The first hand she deals me, I am in MP and get KK, my best hand of the night. Hallelujah! or Damnation! I'm not sure which, yet. I bet out $12, one of my smaller bets of the evening, and only get one caller, the red-headed sidekick. He was still steaming when his JJ flopped a set against another player with AA. When they got into a betting war, Red-Head got all-in, only to lose to a turned Ace, set over set. He was amazingly pissed and shocked. I just found it funny.

So, he's on tilt. Fine. He has been the entire night. So, I have KK and I get a shitty flop, Ax6s7s. What to do? I check. I don't want to lose money right before I leave. He bets $20. Okay, I'm willing to lose $20. The turn was an 8s. This hand was just getting worse. I didn't have a spade either. I checked, and he sheepishly checked. It was then that I knew he didn't have the Ace. The river was a blank and I bet $35. He called, and growned when I showed my KK. Immediatley after, his friend, a white Sanjaya (I kid you not), said, "If he bet $50, you would've folded." "Hell no!" First, I wanted to reinforce the Red-Headed kid's bad play (not like I played the hand so great). Second, I disagreed sincerely. If he bets $50 on the flop, I would have called easier or raised. $20 wants to be called, $50 does not. Him and his buddies all started to ask how that could possibly be, and I got rude, on a rush of adrenaline, "Dude, I'll teach you how to play after my two hands." It's then when the guy to my left said to me quietly, "Really? How can you call a $50 turn bet after the $20 flop bet?" Shit! I misheard them. I leaned over and apologized. "My bad, guys. I misunderstood. You are right. Shit, sorry about being such a prick." I meant it too, especially since I was leaving.

Two hands later I racked up and was down $53 for the night, after tipping the dealer $3 for letting me play a few extra hands. Not bad,, as I was stuck $400 at my lowest point. I had tinges of self doubt when I was down, but I shook them off quickly. I knew that I had the skills and bad competition to win it all back. I'm confident that if I stayed longer, I would've gotten to even and thensome, but its all just one long session.

When I left, I strolled over to Brgr, a burger place around the corner. I thought wifey Kim's friend Michelle recommended the shakes, so I ordered a burger, fries and shake. On the way home in a cab, while drinking my shake, I called Michelle to thank her recommendation. She didn't know what I was talking about. Smooth, Jordan. I must've hallucinated the good review.

Another day, another dollar. Down $50, but feeling fine. The plan is to play in the EBB Team game next week. It's $330 total for the three-player team. Right now, its me and Matty Ebs, but he's going to find us a third. It should be interesting. Meanwhile, 23Skiddoo may be in town on Thursday, so that's two nights of poker in a row. Giddy-up!

Until next time, make mine poker!

posted by Jordan @ 9:13 AM,


At 5:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jordan, I'm your typical online player who is starting to make forays into the B&Ms. I'm a lurker on a lot of poker brogger pages, and I just want to say I LOVE your accounts of live action. Great details, great story telling, and I'm picking up a lot of tips. Please keep 'em coming.

At 5:47 PM, Blogger Jordan said...

Hey Gunslinger. I pretty much made the same comment in my last post, but I'll make it again. I really appreciate comments like yours. When you write these things, at some point you lose sight of your audience. I was beginning to wonder if anyone was getting anything useful (whether strategy or entertainment) out of these posts. I'm glad to hear that you are getting both. They'll be plenty more to come, too, now that I've perfected my note taking skills. Thanks for reading and commenting.

At 6:56 PM, Blogger DuggleBogey said...

My nickname for AJ has always bee "The hot girlfriend who steals from you."

You want to go all the way with her, but deep down you know it's going to cost you a lot of money.

At 7:36 PM, Blogger Dave said...

Jordan - you always tell a good story. You're always tops on my to-read list. Keep up the great writing. Next step - win a big one for the blogging community!

At 12:09 PM, Blogger 23skidoo said...

Good post Jordan!

I will be there for sure on Thursday, and plan on making the Salami game!

I'll call or email when I'm there.

At 12:12 PM, Blogger Gydyon said...

Pay for my flight and I'll be your wingman next week ;)


Post a Comment

<< Home