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This is Life

Wow! BG, of Gambling Blues recently made a post completely dismantling blogging that consists of "I played x SNGs and won y". GSux mentioned the post in his recent posting, so I had to check it out. While BG comes off strong (tempered by his admitted drunkedness), he makes a good point.

My blog has become a regurgitation of last nights win/loss record. I do occassionally go off into tangents, but overall my blog needs a style overhaul. Here's the deal. Every day I wake up, groggy and tired. If I'm lucky, I'll get up early and drag myself to the gym for 30 minutes of running three times a week. More often, I settle for two times a week because I hate mornings. I shower, listening to Howard Stern and accepting my fated day of office slavery. I put on a suit or slacks and a shirt and walk the 4 minutes to Koyzina Kafe where I get my eggwhites and cheese wrap. I get to the office after a 2 minute walk and sit down at my desk, where I fire up my computer and inevitably begin my daily procrastination. I read some blogs, I sleepwalk through writing a post, and then I get down to business. Eight hours later, I am staring at the clock and aching to get back to the comforts of home. I get home, play some poker, maybe go out to dinner with fiance Kim, watch some innane television, drink or smoke or just sit around until its time to hit the sack. Then I begrudgingly go to sleep and start it all over again. Once or twice a week, not including weekends, I may change it up a bit. Meet someone for drinks or a nice dinner. See a movie with fiance Kim or run some errands. This is life. This is every aching minute of my daily routine. Lather rinse repeat.

I escape in books like, "Haunted" the new book from "Fight Club" author Chuck Palahniuk. I escape in poker, one of my joys in life where I can challenge others and myself. I escape in the simple joys of spending an evening with fiance Kim, my anchor and lighthouse in the sea of neverending neverending.

This is life. This is every aching minute.

And in my routine, I get to my office and I sit at my desk and I be the cog in the machine and I do it all with a smile if someone is looking or a frown if someone is not. This is life. Every aching minute.

So, my blog writing suffers. My work product suffers. My poker suffers. My social interactions suffer.

Is it always like this? Is it always grumpy or depressed Jordan going through the motions but not doing anything with it? No. But its me now. Maybe its a summer rut, or an itch to change things up. Being about 10 months into my first "real" job, I am starting to feel that thing you feel when you near the end of a semester of school. That itch to end it and start again, not like a Phoenix out of the ashes, but like a lizard starting to molt. I feel that itch to say, okay, semester's over. Give me a month to relax and we can start fresh. But there is no starting fresh anymore. This is life. Aching minutes.

What's the point of all of this? BG is right. That's the point. Life is too fucking short (and too fucking long) to waste it in this fucking rut, writing or otherwise. I'm going to strike out at my own apathy, and in doing so I'm going to get back on the right track. Work hard and focus in the office. Play hard and enjoy my free time. Because this is life. Just minutes.

posted by Jordan @ 3:21 PM,


At 5:53 PM, Blogger BG said...

inertia is a ridiculously powerful force once it takes hold. do something, anything, to throw your life a curveball every now and again, or... shit, i dunno what "or," but i do know you'll blink, be in your thirties, carrying a few dozen extra pounds, and be resigned to whatever it is you'll have to yawn your way through today and tomorrow. thanks for sharing.

At 12:22 AM, Blogger GaryC said... blink and you're almost 40 and you weigh 285 pounds. Been there. Luckily I did something about the weight.
Now...for the rest of it.

At 8:32 AM, Blogger HighOnPoker said...

Yeah. I hear you both. The irony of it all is that in the moment, it feels like its going by so slowly. Looking back, it's gone so fast.

Hey BG, thanks for the inspiration. And thank you too GSux, for tipping me off to BG's post.


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