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Sex with a Pizza

I feel like a drunk with the shakes, an irritable cigarette smoker with no smokes in sight, and a junkie addict puking his guts out, all rolled into one. In a figurative way. And it's all because of Poker. Stupid, stupid poker.

Lately, it seems like I just can't itch that poker scratch. It's seen me do some stupid things like book from dinner with two friends in order to show up late for a live PL Omaha H/L game. It's got me planning weeks in advance for days when I can make it to the card room. It's got me wishing that I didn't have a birthday party to go to tomorrow so I could get some time in with little miss MTT. It doesn't take much, but it added to my dread over having wifey Kim's dad and stepmom stop by on Sunday!

What's a man to do?! I'm going to Atlantic City on Wednesday night next week until Friday afternoon and even though it is right around the corner, I just can't wait! This is not good people. It's really about the live game more than anything. I just want to play live. And in a poker room with strangers, preferrably (with some of the crew in tow). It's not even home games that I'm gunning for, even though the competition is usually softer, the stakes more reasonable and the atmosphere kinder.

What the hell is going on? When I feel like this, I think 3 things in this particular order: (1) My desire to play is probably not healthy in this manner. (2) It's probably a sign that I am unhappy elsewhere and trying to escape. (3) Maybe it's just that I love the god damn game!

I can't say that there is anything outright bothering me. It's a little of the ole malaise. I've had a lot of thinking to do about nothing important. It's worrying for the sake of worrying. Okie Vegas has me concerned because of money issues. And there is the fear of the unknown. Again, stupid, but nonetheless one of those things hanging over me (for no reason). Work is moving smoothly. Wifey Kim is still the best thing to ever happen to me, but I can't help but feel a bit distracted.

Where DOES poker fall on the priority list? #1 is Wifey Kim, without a moment's hesitation. That's why I'll be with my angel tonight, at dinner and drinks, instead of hanging out with the rest of the degenerates at the WPBT event on Full Tilt (it's killing me, but it's gotta be this way). #2 on the list HAS to be family. That's just the way I roll. #3 is work, and understandably so. #4 is Poker. It's that simple. Friends fit in there, no doubt. I'll put them at #5, but I want to make something clear. Some friends are family. Roose is family. Hole is family. Platinum and JDubs are family. #5 are for those other friends.

But let's get back to #4. How do I justify spending so much time playing poker? The answer, my friends, is that I consider it training. Yep, training! Every day, Olympic athletes go to the gym and practice. Every day, I sign online and play some poker. Sometimes its recreational, like last night when I played and lost 4 SNGs (4-person HU, 2-table NLHE, 1-table Omaha H/L and another 2-table NLHE). But even then I'm exposing myself to the game. I'm absorbing the plays and the nuances.

Online poker, though, is like masturbation. I need other people around to really enjoy my poker. That and a lot of lube, and by lube I mean money, and by money I mean sex. Wait, I think I've confused myself.

My point is, I just can't get no poker satisfaction. Even when I'm not into it, I'm into it. It's like pizza and sex (again), even when its bad, its good. It's like sex with a pizza. Yep. Sex with a Pizza.

posted by Jordan @ 4:59 PM,


At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is truly a scary post, as it describes my state of mind exactly. Right down the the detail of a wifey Kim.

I actually have gotten a better handle on things in recent weeks by limiting my poker play to about three nights a week. This has been a plus both in my personal life and in my poker, as I find I am more focused on both.

At 4:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am soo confused...don't might just confuse me more...

At 6:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Wifey Kim is still the best thing to ever happen to me, but I can't help but feel a bit distracted."

I'm suing for copyright infringement.

At 6:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha. Heafy, wifey Kim isn't the Distraction. Poker is the Distraction.


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