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...is Like Poker

I was listening to Howard Stern recently when sidekick Artie Lange likened choosing a movie (as an actor) to poker. The line, if I remember correctly, was (paraphrased): "Choosing what movie to do is like poker. At some point, you just have to go all-in and hope for the best."

Wrong, Artie. Wrong! Poker is not about going all-in and hoping for the best. It's about going all-in when you know you are the best or going all-in when you think you can get your opponent to fold. It is not about pushing money into the middle and then crossing your fingers for good luck.

That got me thinking. People love throwing around analogies, and poker is a good reference for a lot of life's trials and tribulations. Even so, the non-poker players seem to have a bass ackwards view of poker. For you, my adoring public, I have searched the Interwebs and have found these bastardized views of poker analogies:

Here's a fun one: "sEx Is LiKe pOkEr.......iT's fUn wHeN u pLaY aLl nItE" First off, whoeever wrote that shit needs to get their shift-lock key fixed. And night is spelled night, not nite. Second, poker is most certainly not like sex, at least not in the way suggested. Case in point. One time, I had sex all night. It was fun. One time, I played poker all night. I lost 1/2 of my bankroll. That is not fun. Everyone knows that sex is not like poker. It's like pizza. Even when pizza is bad, it's good. Unfortunately, when poker is bad, it's just bad...most of the time. Also, I never got herpes from poker.

Here's one that fits squarely in the land of overgeneralization: Life is like poker! Nothing is the way it seems. Sorry, Wooka Kim, but some things in life are what they seem. For instance, the beautiful woman with the large hands and the Adam's apple hanging out at the 33rd St and Lexington Ave McDonald's at 4:30 am is exactly what she seems, a tranny hooker. So, there you go. The tranny hooker is something, thereby destroying your absolutist terms. You've been served! Tranny style!

Here's a legal one that's pure BS: Pleading (to a crime) is like poker with the only persons showing their cards a few at a time being the police or DA. Um...no. Not even remotely. First off, at what game does your opponent show you cards a few at a time? I think this jabroni is thinking about the flop, turn and river, but that's from the disinterested dealer, whereas the DA/police are more akin to your opponent. Now, if this dingleberry wrote, "Pleading is like poker because you must make a decision with imperfect information that may end up in anal rape," I would've allowed it. But this showing cards thing? Pure BS.

In my short amount of research, I found literally dozens of "Life is like poker..." analogies, but leave it to real poker media to fuck this one up: "Life is like poker. It’s a numbers game. Play your numbers and someday your ship will come in." Where to start. I suppose that the author is referring to the fact that if you play enough tournaments, eventually you will win one. Not so in life. Just check out Woffles. Sure, in poker he has won something here or there, satisfying the poker part of that analogy. But in life? Dude can wait forever and I doubt his ship will come in, unless by "ship" the author meant "pine box" or perhaps "new WoW armor". Sorry, Bluff, but you are a tad off on this one.

Poker as an anaology is fine and dandy. There is a lot to work off of, from the idea of incomplete information, tough decisions, chance playing an element even in the face of skill, etc. But jebus, people, when we allow these douschebags to compare anything to poker, well, you see what bullshit it produces.

This post is a lot like poker, after all. It's on the computer but would be a lot more fun if it were in person. Also, this post is like poker because it has the letters "p" and "o" in it. Also, this post is like poker because by now, you have figured out that this will not end well yet you still can't get yourself to fold.

Until next time, make mine like poker!

posted by Jordan @ 11:54 AM,

5 Comments:

At 1:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have a lot of time on your hands, lol

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger Memphis MOJO said...

Still going to AC? If so, tear them uP!

 
At 2:39 PM, Blogger NewinNov said...

No love for the Waffles.

 
At 4:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

First off, at what game does your opponent show you cards a few at a time?

Night Baseball?

 
At 7:06 PM, Blogger pokerpeaker said...

YOu never got herpes from poker? Did you get it from sex? If so I"m sorry.

 

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