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Why I Suck at Online Poker

Here is my confessional. I have been playing online poker again. And I suck at it. Here is why:

Last night I played the Mookie and a 45-person SNG on Stars. I went out on the bubble in the Stars game and at around 11:45 in the Mookie (played for 1:45 hours). Now, tell me how anyone can play optimal poker under these conditions:

1. I started about 10 minutes late in the Mookie because wifey Kim got home at around 9:55 last night and I wanted to spend some time with her.

2. Either the TV was on or I was listening to Howard Stern for the duration of the tournament.

3. I was surfing the web during the tournament.

4. I was running programs on my computer to increase its speed and get rid of viruses and useless filler during the tournament.

5. I was intermittently having conversations with wifey Kim during the tournament.

6. I was not using any programs to help me ascertain my opponents tendencies (i.e., PokerTracker and its ilk).

7. I was not paying attention to hands that I was not in because I had too many other things happening.

8. I was not sober.

I mean, what the fuck! Why even play poker with all of those scenarios going. This is the #1 reason why I focus on live poker. When I play live poker, I do it with purpose...making money. And I love it. I love watching the players, gathering reads and tells, analyzing hands, getting into the flow of the game, and socializing with the other players at the table. I love the competition of it all, and I treat the game and myself with respect.

Online, I play it as though I am playing a very slow lotto.

This, my dear readers, is the bottom line on why I am not a very consistent online poker player. If I play my best, my results are much better. Case in point, my largest win came on a weekday afternoon when I was home from the office sick. I was stone cold sober, bored as shit, and had nothing and no one to distract me from the game. I was tuned in and the results speak for themselves.

Now, that is just one tourney, but it is symbolic of something much greater.

Right here is where someone is thinking, "So quit bitching and cut out the distractions." If only it were that easy. Recognizing there is a problem is the first step. Resolving it comes next. The answer to me is to simply continue my online poker diet. I know that I probably will not get myself down to no online poker. I just love poker too much to not have it accessible when live games are impossible to make. But I can make an effort to remind myself why it is no good for me, mostly because when I play online poker, I choose to play poorly.

Until next time, make mine poker!

posted by Jordan @ 2:11 PM,


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