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Impulsive Cheating

"Keep you cards covered!", I'd say while looking in the other direction and holding a hand to the side of my face. Blinders. It's the only way not to cheat when your neighbor is flaunting his cards like they were a new car on full display. Let's face it though. This scene could only happen in one place, a home game. Preferably with low stakes. Anywhere else, and my mouth is shut and my eyes are wandering. Sure I'll intervene when I'm in a card room and it is so obvious that others will notice and get involved. But otherwise, I can't help but let my eyes wander when I see a flash of white and a black King or a red Ace. Show me!

But I'm not a cheater. Hell, I have to put up the blinder in the home game merely because I don't want to cheat. You know what I mean.

Have you ever been answering a crossword puzzle, or filling out one of those fun Maxim connect the ass to the chick games, or studying with a practice test when you have the key on the next page! Even worse, stick that key on the bottom of the same page. Hell, make it upside down. It don't make a difference. If my eye wanders, it'll take .001 seconds for it to notice that picture 1 is actually Tara Reid's butt crack and not Rue McClanahan. The truth is, the eye sees it for .001 seconds, but my mind keeps working even when I tell it not to. It processes for a second or more after I saw the answer. I didn't mean to see it in the first place, but once the cat is out of the bag, my brain can't help but take the shortcut.

That is the reality of it, isn't it. Our minds want to take the shortcut. And as much as we try to punish them for their bad ways by killing them with booze and assorted pharmacueticals, the brain will always betray us by seeing that flash of white and knowing instantly that our neighbor does not have a face card.

Cheating, my friends, is impulsive. And its easy. You've done it before too. Intentionally even! Maybe you copied off a friend's homework or test in class. Maybe you played a bit with the tax man (not me though, with my whopping $7 tax return). How about a quick game of just the tip when your girlfriend is out of town and the town bicycle (because everyone has had a ride) comes by?

Hobbes had it right (the philospher, you fool, not the tiger). People without a ruling body are despicable creatures. We will cheat.

So, Jordan, what is this diatribe on Impulsive Cheating all about? Its about reality and the ZeeJustin drama. ZeeJustin, in case you are new to the world of poker blogging (because everyone else and their momma have commented thus far) had several accounts on a poker site and played them simultaneously in the same MTT. He was finally discovered and his online money was confiscated. Meanwhile, his name is now right up there on the list of untouchables in the poker world, and probably will be for life.

Did ZeeJustin deserve the harsh reality that is falling around him, when all he did was follow the natural human impulse to take the easy way out.

HELL YEAH! Burn baby burn!

Look, we are all inclined to cheat, especially when its easy and everyone else is doing it. We need that ruling body to say, hey fucktard, stop cheating or we'll take your money and ban you. We need outrage and indignation and a symbol like ZeeJustin for us all to rally around and burn in an orgy of self-regulation and effigy.

So, thank you ZeeJustin for getting outted and getting bitch slapped and giving us someone to point to and say, "See! See what happens when you cheat! It isn't easy! It isn't safe! Not everyone is doing it!"

Of course, we are all human beings. So, the cheaters will still cheat. Until they get outted though, we'll keep ragging on ZeeJustin, our own personal whipping boy. Fucking cheater.

posted by Jordan @ 5:15 PM,


At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel the same way. I don't understand how any one would feel gratified by a win in which they cheated.

At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In my opinion what this whole news story has done is bring out all the ignorant, juvenile, delinquent A-Holes in the poker world. I never knew poker players were such scum bags. Okay, two people get caught with several accounts. Thats not half as bad as the ignorant comments so many of you have posted. Please tell me you have never done anything wrong or illegal. Some of you have been in jail. Lets here about that!

At 2:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

DailyDukes, what the hell are you talking about? Did you even read the post! I wrote about how cheating is impulsive and when its there and tempting its hard to resist it. I even made a point about us all being human. So before you start slinging this shit like a monkey in a cage, use you fucking brain. What have bloggers wrote that is SO wrong? This I'd love to hear. And if you personally see nothing wrong with cheating, then god bless you, but don't get on some bullshit moral high-horse. Make sense or shut the hell up.


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