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90 Second Rant: Miley


God damnit, I am so sick and tired of this nonsense surrounding Miley Cyrus. I was watching the Academy Awards Red Carpet Show last night with wifey Kim (under protest), and I was absolutely disgusted with the degeneration of pop culture. Every fucking thing eventually led back to the most vapid, absurd "star" of them all, Miley fucking Cyrus.

Let me make it painfully clear, even though I'd guess a good 95% of my audience alreeady knows this: Miley fucking Cyrus is a talentless hack, and I don't blame Miley or even her father Billy Ray for her explosion. I blame the motherfucking media who are willing to drink the motherfucking Disney Kool-Aid. It goes without saying that Miley fucking Cyrus can't sing worth a shit and sounds like a 40-year-old, 3-pack-a-day smoker. I've tried to watch her sing at various televised award shows, and each time I am left dumbfounded at what I see. She has a sub-par signing voice, zero stage presence, and songs that just suck. She is also fucking 15 and in a relationship with a 20 year old pedophile, but no one has a problem with that (they do have a problem with her taking a photograph with her eyes squinting -- FUCK YOU AMERICA!).

Here's what really got my goat: this has become a Miley-centric Hollywood.

Ryan fagging Seacrest was on the Red Carpet aching to get his Miley interview. When he did, he danced around the fact that she didn't have her kid-toucher boyfriend with her. But the focus wasn't on the fuckedupedness that is a barely 15 year old girl dating a guy about to turn 21 (keep in mind, that's a high school sophmore dating a junior or senior year college student). It was his desire to get a scoop on Miley's love life. Why not ask her if her heiman is broke yet, Seacrest, you fucking scavenger fuck!

But the final straw was when the vapid douschebags running some red carpet show actually showed fag-hag and #1 butter-face (everything's good, but her face) Sarah Jessica Parker wearing a gown and said, paraphrasing, "She's got a little bit of a Miley-look going."

No, dipshit. Maybe Miley has a SJP thing going on, but I seriously doubt that the (what is she, 80 now?), 80-year-old Sarah Jessica Parker is going out of her way to emulate 15-year-old fashionista and apparent fashion icon Hannah Montana. That's what I mean about the Miley-centric Hollywood. These vapid hosts are acting as though Miley is her own fashion template and that old (or in SJP's case, ancient) Hollywood is clamoring to be a part of it.

In reality, I'd like to think that even the self-centered douschebags in Hollywood think that the Miley sensation is purely fabricated. It's one thing, though, when a bunch of retard kids start to bop along with Hannah Montana and friends and decide that the cookie-cutter child porn star is worthy of adulation and hero-worship. It's another thing when grown adults treat the teener bopper hack as the next goddamn sex symbol, master thespian, and artiste!

I guess I should really blame the Olsen twins. Then again, we should have learned a lesson from those emaciated hobos: the gimmick of choosing underaged girls and accepting without thought their sex-symbol status while eagerly anticipating their 18th birthdays doesn't usually work. Instead, you have a bunch of sick fucks obsessing over an underaged girl and then ignoring her when she gets old enough for those pervs to realize that her only appeal is her perverse illegaility.

My sincerest apologies to Miley if she reads this.

Until next time, make mine poker!

posted by Jordan @ 9:37 AM,


At 2:18 PM, Blogger Riggstad said...

WOW! Vapid used multiple times in a post!

I think you have closet feeling for SJP cuz!


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