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Poker Regrets

Let me first start by apologizing to CK and F-Train for missing their going away party last night. What can I tell you, I'm a bum! I wish I were able to make it, but I had a longer-than-expected day at the office, I have plans tonight, and wifey Kim has plans Thursday night, and, well, since I'm going to AC this weekend, I felt the need to spend what little time I had with wifey Kim. Ah, it's a terrible excuse anyway, and I just hope that my two friends had a great time and were too drunk to even notice my absence. You will both be sorely missed on the East Coast, but I congratulate you both on your upcoming adventure and look to both of you with excitement and awe for what's to come.

F-Train was one of the first bloggers I met, way back in May 2005 at a NYC homegame. Dr. Pauly got me an invite, as a new blogger, and I met everyone's favorite A-lister, the Rooster, Derek, and a couple of other guys as well. F-Train was a friendly guy, and we'd randomly bump into each other in AC or eventually in some of the IHO games and other NYC-based events. I can say in that time that F-Train has never done anything to cross me and has always been a class act. Even though I may be a bit...extroverted at times, it can take a lot for me to feel actual "friendship" with a person; I consider F-Train a friend, and I wish him only the best in the future.

I first met CK via Soxlover, when I was attending one of Soxlover's homegames. CK had met Sox and F-Train in AC randomly one weekend and had somehow secured herself an invite to the exclusive homegame. I remember chatting with CK and Matty Ebs on our train ride back to Manhattan after the game. I was really amazed at CK. Here was this cute Asian chick who appeared to be in her early 20's talking about how she had played poker professionally for a year after quitting some high-end financial/legal gig, only to decide to return to NY and take another high-end financial/legal gig...which she has recently quit to return to playing poker full time. CK had an aire of confidence and decisiveness about her that I absolutely admired. Over months, we also met up in various poker games and she, too, became a friend.

Having a wife (and being, at times, a hermit) has kept me somewhat out of some loops. I haven't really mixed WifeyKimWorld and PokerWorld for a variety of reasons. Whatever the case, though, at one point, I had missed enough homegames and whatnot to have been way behind on the local gossip that F-Train and CK were an item. I remember getting a hint of that news and dancing around it at one place or another. I also remember that once it was confirmed, I told CK and F-Train (seperately) that I thought they were a great pair. It helps that I like them both, and I wish the best for both of them as a couple and as individuals.

So, that's my sappy temporary bon voyage to two NY poker bloggers who deserve nothing but success. I raise my glass to you.

* * *

Seeing that I would be home, I decided to play in the Bodonkey and Skillz Game. The result is a poker hangover that saw me waking up with one thought in my head this morning. Bubble. Fucking bubble. GOD DAMN FUCKING BUBBLE! WHY GOD WHY! FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK! I MEAN, FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Yeah. I bubbled the Skills Game (got knocked out of the Bodonkey from whatever). It was a bitter, bitter bubble, mostly because I cannot stop blaming myself. In my last hand, I had 6k or so, at the 1000/2000 level. It was the limit hold'em portion of the H.O.E. game, which meant that the blinds were 500/1000. I was in 8th place (top 8 paying), with 9th place (the bubble player) at about the same amount of chips. The difference was negligible.

I was dealt 77 in the BB, playing 4-handed. The shorty, at the other table, was 5-handed. We were playing hand-for-hand. With 77, I decided that it was a good enough hand to get all-in. I believe I raised preflop and got one caller, the SB. The flop was QJX. It was checked to me and I checked. The turn was a blank. I decided it was time to get all-in. After all, 1/3 of my stack was already all-in and I barely had enough for 2 big bets. I bet, he raises, I push and he shows a JackX. I bust on the bubble.

It isn't just that hand. It's the few hands before it, when I guess I spewed some chips when my cards didn't come in.

The worst part though was that I felt like I did it to myself...subconsciously. I'd like to think that I was playing for first, without fear of the bubble. That may even be true. But I can't help but personalize the loss. I feel like I lost, and that it was entirely my fault. I'm trying to get a grasp on why I seem to bubble a lot. Why the hell do I keep falling on my own sword?! Why do I keep sabotaging myself?!

Side note: LJ went out just before me in 10th place. It seems like she has the same problem with bubbles. Maybe we should start a support group.

I have no answers. Only questions and frustrations.

But I'm playing PLHE/PLO tonight with Skidoo and crew at the Wall Street Game, so hopefully I can channel this frustration into something positive. One can only hope.

Until next time, make mine poker!

posted by Jordan @ 9:38 AM,


At 10:44 AM, Blogger F-Train said...

Thanks for the well wishes. No worries about last night - you'll just have to come visit us in Vegas. I know that will take a TON of arm-twisting...

At 12:13 PM, Blogger BWoP said...

No apologies necessary!

Sorry we didn't get to see you last night, but I know we'll be slinging chips soon.


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