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Online a Roll

I had a great time at the virtual tables last night. I originally thought I was heading to a game with Matty Ebs, but I got some dates wrong and the live game is next week. Since I spent Tuesday and part of Wednesday nights at the Wall Street Game, though, I was glad to have some downtime. My plan was simple: spend time with wifey Kim. The reality was a bit more frustrating.

Work has really amped up lately. I have a great grasp on all of my cases and I finished some large projects, but I have three new projects that are completely new to me. Those situations are invariably the most stressful, since I want nothing more than to be autonomous and self-reliant. Sadly, that makes new concepts a bit tough to learn from scratch, and my desire to be meticulous only adds to the stress level.

By the time I got home last night, I was steaming. I still had my headphones in as I entered the bedroom to change out of my work clothes. Wifey Kim was in the living room and called out to me. I came out and told her I needed 5 minutes to unwind, but admittedly, I said it in a sharp manner. She asked why and I went off on a diatribe about how she comes home to an empty house and gets ample wind down time, but I can't get 5 fuckin' minutes to get out of my work clothes. She replied that I looked cute in my work clothes. Hard to argue with that logic.

After getting over my mini-temper tantrum, I decided to put together the new standing lamp/shelf unit wifey Kim and I purchased from I've purchased a lot of things over the 'net in my day, but I will never again order any sort of furniture. Plain and simple, each time, we receive some mildly defective merchandise. It's pretty clear that these companies think that online customers won't go through the hastle of returning the product, but I had enough and the $79 lamp was unacceptable. I knew something was wrong when I first saw the box, which had a huge gash in its side. Then I noticed that the tape holding together the box was clearly not the way the box was originally closed. This led me to believe that someone had already returned this lamp, but rather than simply assume that fact, I still decided to open the box. After all, maybe the offending defect had been fixed.

I removed the pieces, laid them out and then grabbed the first part of the base. I looked it over and saw two very obvious dents/divets broken into the wood. I thought to myself, Why the fuck would I pay $79 for a lamp?! By now, I was just steaming. I had not eaten, I was grumpy from work, and I felt like my evening couldn't start until I had assembled this godforsaken lamp. After seeing its defect though, I had an even more impossible task...getting the lamp back into the box. I started repacking the box, glad that I cut the tape instead of ripping the box like it was a X-mas morning and I was 8. By the third try, I was fuming. I had removed all of the styrofome (in chunks, as I was too livid to do it in an orderly manner) and discarded the extra cardboard meant to keep the already fucked wooden components from getting dented or marked up. Once I finally crammed the pieces back into the box, admittedly in a forceful manner such that at least one other piece is probably damaged, I grabbed the tape roll...and found out that I had just ran out. Mother fucker!

Fuming, I had wifey Kim call Home Depot to let them know we were returning their defective merchandise. After she hung up, wifey Kim announced, "We are so unlucky getting damaged stuff." I wouldn't have it. "We are not unlucky. We are stupid. This happens every time we order stuff like this online." Looks like I'm going lamp shopping this weekend.

After all of this, wifey Kim was able to sooth me enough that the green left my skin and my tattered purple pants went lax as I returned to my normal human form. We sat on the couch and began to watch Celebrity Apprentice. A little later in the night, I was listening to the Howard Stern replay as he complained that Celebrity Apprentice is crap because none of the celebrities really want to work for Trump. I love Howard, but sometimes he's pretty ignorant. Regardless, this also spills over to the argument that Reality TV is not real.

For all of you naysayers and complainers out there, I'll go real slow for you. Enough with the semantics. Celebrity Apprentice does not have to be the same as all of the prior Apprentices. It merely has to be entertaining. And it is. The celebrities approach tasks like no season before them because, frankly, they can trade on their celebrity status. And they should! Just because its called the Apprentice, it does not mean that the competitors have to want to be Trump's employee. They merely need to be put in situations where they have to use their business accumen and their skill sets to be successful at business-related tasks.

For you "Reality TV" naysayers, its the same concept. How many times have you heard, "It's not Real! They are on the island, but they have contests where they can win food! You can't win food on a real deserted island!" Look, dousche, its called Reality TV because it is unscripted. The people show real emotions because they are really placed in these situations. Even if the situation isn't really that they are stranded on an island, it is real that they are on an island playing for a million dollars in a game about human interaction. So quit getting hung up on the semantics and look at the content, damnit!

Side note: The rash of "reality TV" shows that are nothing but scripted shows purporting to be real is nonsense and should be put out of its misery. It was funny when Andy Dick did it 5 years ago on his MTV reality show where he searched for his new assistant, but it is not funny when Snoop Dogg's reality show is nothing but silly editing and sillier set-up situations. Sorry, Snoop, you're my boy and all, but why not just call it an improv sitcom or something. Or just a sitcom. Ffft. Liars.

Ah, but poker. While watching the show, I looked over and saw wifey Kim had fallen asleep. Apparently, keeping Jordan from temper tantrums can take a lot out of any person. The clock had just hit 9:20, and I was hoping that Riverchasers started at 9:30. I was wrong, again. I basically experience this every month and a half. I always hope Riverchasers starts at 9:30, yet it never does.

Woe is me, I thought, as I fired up Bodog and entered a $25 buy-in turbo SNG. I also opened up FT and signed up for the $75 token frenzy. After a while, I fired up to play a $11 SNG with the last $13 I have there. I won the Bodog SNG, easily won the $75 token frenzy, and took 3rd place money at I lost a 6-person SNG at Bodog after all of that, but by then, it was no big deal.

In hindsight, there really isn't much to say about the tournaments. I simply played well. I kept the TV off, watched my games for reads, and played tight or loose as the situations dictated. The best part was moneying in the $75 token SNG only to see that Emptyman and Pushmonkey (blog name?) were at my table. Congrats, guys.

Yeah, so a bit of bait and switch by your loyal blogger. I guess this was more a post about me being a whiney bitch than about poker. But hey, I'm still a profitable whiney bitch.

Until next time, make mine -- STUPID FUCKING LAMP! GET IN THERE! -- poker!

posted by Jordan @ 11:53 AM,


At 2:13 PM, Blogger Klopzi said...

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only person out there who goes crazy for lack of wind-down time.

I come home to a wife and two kids each and every day. My wind-down time, if I happen to get any at all, doesn't come until at least three hours after I've gotten home and been subjected to various chores and extensive babysitting duty.

Good luck with the lamp shopping...

At 3:53 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

"She replied that I looked cute in my work clothes. "

Then the Bow chicka BOW WOW music started!

My e-wife always knew what kind of day I had if I came in and talked to her before changing, or went into the shower and stuck my head under cold water.

Line of the year... "Apparently, keeping Jordan from temper tantrums can take a lot out of any person."

You try and hold down the HULK!

Cheers and congrats on the outstanding work on the tables!


At 12:49 AM, Blogger Booby Stealz said...

lol an enjoyable post brother. Gene Simmons is the best on Celebrity Apprentice...

and dude, i had the same shitty problem at C&B. we returned a floor mirror 3 or 4 times and ended up not keeping any of them b/c they gave us damaged goods..

a real lesson learned...


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