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HighOnPokerville Newscast

"I dance on your grave." -Big Brother Keith, Joust for the Atari victory, 1985

Booya, people! It's another beautiful day in HighOnPokerville, with the weather expected to remain 75 and sunny for the rest of your weekend! In local news, work continues to pile up causing the need to return to the office on Sunday. Reports coming in state that Jordan is "non-plussed" and hopes to "get out in time for some Nice Look cash games." Stay tuned for more coverage on that spectacle this weekend. Now, onto sports with everyone's favorite sports guy, Sporty McGuyerson. Sporty?

Yes, thank you Diane. In sport news, Jordan still throws like a girl, but is able to take down 54 competitors for a second place finish in the BBT Freeroll.

"I was just really focused. Focused on having a good time," Jordan was quoted as saying after his second place victory to the crowd of empty furniture awaiting his comments in the living room. "I always dreamed I could come in Second and now its a reality. I'd like to thank Jesus, first of all, for not helping the competition. He may not play on my team, but he sure as hell stood neutral on the sidelines. Way to go, Jesus!" Jordan went on to thank his wife, mother, and desktop computer.

"At the final table, it was a little touch-and-go there, Sporty. You don't mind if I call you Sporty, do you? Oh. Sorry, Mr. Guyerson."

Jordan suffered a terrible scare when his laptop froze up at the final table. Luckily, his trusty old, slow desktop was waiting for him, like an ex-girlfriend with low self-esteem getting a 3am booty call.

"Once I got onto the bare bones computer, I felt like I had no choice but to go deep. I mean, I was already at the final table down to 6, but I knew that the lack of distractions was an opportunity to continue my stellar rise."

Jordan amazingly outlasted all five of his $10 last longer bets and a last minute $5 last longer bet with Instant Tragedy. "The only Tragedy is that we didn't make that bet for more," Jordan was reported as saying as he headed into the lockerroom. For his troubles, Jordan earned over $400 from the event, as well as $55 in side last longer bets.

"It really feels like a victory, Mr. Guyerson. I mean, I know I'm great and all, but everyone else doesn't know that."

Jordan took an unusual trip to the final table, dropping down to the bottom three players within the first hour and remaining in the bottom pack for most of the tournament. As Jordan explained, "I didn't want to play super tight just because I had these side bets. I wanted to play my game, and that meant getting into lots of pots. In this case, it turned out for the worse early on, but a cornerstone to that style is always keeping enough chips for the inevitable comeback. I was able to do that today, Guyerson, and I'm a happy man for it."

Jordan does admit, however, that last longer bets affected his game. "Actually, Guyerson, I do admit, however, that last longer bets affected my game. There were a couple of spots where I fought off the awfukkits with visions of prop bet money dancing in my head. Essentially, they made me play better, and got me to fold in situations where I may have just called out of frustration or shortsighted thinking."

Jordan faced his biggest disappointment heads up. "There were a couple of times, I think at least two, that I got NumbBono all-in when I had the best of it. In one case, I hit middle pair 7s on the flop and he got all-in with his unimproved AK. He hit his K on the turn. I know there was at least one other time when he sucked out on me, but that's poker."

That's poker indeed, Jordan. Jordan eventually lost after he flopped trip Kings with his K2. Unfortunately, NumbBono had K7 for trip Kings with a better kicker and the low cards ensured that the 7 played.

After winning second place, Jordan had this to say, "The competition is always great at these things. As soon as I made it to the final table, I was proud. I'm just glad that I played my best, had some great results and got to enjoy some great company before I crushed them with my boots of poker skill. The level of competition says a lot, mostly about how amazing I am for coming in second."

Jordan plans to use his money to build a school in Gabarone, Botswana. "I figure this $400 is enough, and if it isn't at least I get to spend some time at the Botswana beach. They have beaches in Botswana, right? Right?"

And that's all for sports. Back to you, Diana.

Thank you, Sporty. When we return, find out what common household item may be permanently eating your child's brain. Also, what new flavor premiered at Starbucks this week? Find out after the break!

Until next time, make mine poker!

posted by Jordan @ 9:27 AM,


At 10:48 AM, Blogger Brez said...

Way to go man, well done on the 2nd place.

At 11:07 AM, Blogger Schaubs said...

You and Waggles were in cahoots...

This just in... I fucking suck.

At 11:10 AM, Blogger MHG said...

15 minutes of fame!

Very nice, I tuned in again at the final table and saw you dead last with about 7 or 8 players remaining. Nice comeback!

At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice run last night Jordan.

I do think you got out of a tricky spot early on when I was trapping you with two pair (J8) on that hand when the board rivered four to a straight.

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Ingoal said...

Nice! Congrats Jordan!

At 11:51 AM, Blogger Jordan said...

You are right, Don. I got lucky there. Aside from that and a river with my AQ against LJ, I didn't suck out on anyone. Whatever the case, even if that Queen didn't come, I had enough chips to survive, so while it helps to get lucky there, I didn't consider it a pivotal hand at the time. BTW, I was really feeling the crunch from you in particular. I find that to be the case most of the time. Its part of my reason for playing hands in weird ways against you. You are one of the guys I wish I could avoid at the table, but we are always tangling. I got the better end of it this time, but I'm not looking forward to next time.

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Jordan said...

When I said "Queen didn't come" I meant straight didn't come, using my Queen to make the Q-high straight.

At 11:56 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

Great run Jordan. You made a huge laydown against me mid-way, where you were pretty committed preflop. I think someone commented that you were in big trouble after that laydown. But, you hung in there and got into a very entertaining heads-up for the title. You played great!

At 12:38 PM, Blogger SirFWALGMan said...


At 1:07 PM, Blogger TripJax said...

I wish I had a side bet going cause maybe I would have re-thought my decision that ultimately knocked me out. Damn the man.

Excellent post by the way...and i know you were just kidding on my comments...I thought it was funny and had to respond that way...

At 2:18 PM, Blogger smokkee said...

you almost won the lottery. nice job.

At 2:20 PM, Blogger Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo said...

Nice job last night, Jordan. Well played.

Looking forward to the NiceLook writeup next week. Gl.

At 4:10 PM, Blogger DP said...

poker is not a sport! ... lol ;)

sweetness gj

At 9:59 AM, Blogger NewinNov said...

Nice, very nice. Also very funny post. Transfer complete.


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