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Dirty Dirty

Came in 2nd out of 6, and 3rd out of 10 yesterday, to raise the SNG total to $47. I'm still negative, but at least I never dipped too low.

Last night, I went out to dinner and dancing with some friends. Well, actually, I didn't do much dancing. Instead, the dancing was done by girls with names like Jasmine, Daisy, Tiffany and Layla. And, instead of hip-hop dancing, or ballroom dancing, it was more...grinding. Without clothes.

Yes. Yesterday, I was at the Hustler Club in NYC, a fine strip club on the far west side. Now, strip clubs aren't my thing, but for a buddy about to get married, I'm game. And if I'm going to a strip club, I'm going to have fun. One thing Jordan from High On Poker is not, is a wet blanket.

The night started at Rare, a fancy burger place. If you ever get a chance, check it out. My father once said, "There is nothing better than a good cheeseburger." How right he was.

After, we headed to the Larry Flint-owned Hustler Club. My soon-to-be-married buddy, J, has loot. So we ended up in a raised VIP section, which was a bit too small to accomodate our group. Fortunate seating allowed me to get about 30-40% of J's lap dances. God bless! Good friends that I have, by the end of the night I had two lap dances on their dime. Not that I didn't get raped for dough. I most certainly did. The VIP area required that we each spend $50. Someone decided to order a bottle of Grey Goose, which came to $65 a head. At least I got hammered. Can't complain about that.

The place has talent. I'll give them that. But I was honestly more impressed by my trip to a place called the VIP lounge, where the girls were a consistent 8-10. Hustler had a bit more variance, but there were a couple of standouts. On dancer in particular had glasses on. This girl was a 10, no doubt, and ironically, I think the glasses put her to an 11. I don't know why that is. Maybe I need a little imperfection for a girl to be perfect. All that said, the real show-stopper was Layla, a Morrocan "Jew". I put that in quotes because once she found out she was hanging out with members of the Tribe, she immediately said, "I'm Moroccan. And a Jew." Yeah, and I'm a stripper and a bad actor. What she lacked in acting skills, she more than made up for in her performance. The NY Yankees stripper gear is pure genius. What do NY guys like more than strippers? The Yankees. Mix the two and you have a potent cocktail for lapdance fever. The other part that impressed was her pole climbing. Get your head out of the gutter! I'm talking about the stripper pole. The mainstage has a 20 foot high pole. Our Morrocan Jew is doing her thing dancing, and suddenly stops dead. She looks at the mirror behind her and takes a deep breath. And then, BAM! Like a wild animal she spins and attacks the pole. Bitch was touching the cieling in under 30 seconds, all the while keeping it hot. A little while later, a stripper who probably goes by the name of Double Chunk made a desperate attempt to repeat Layla's performance. I kid you not when I tell you that it looked like the fat kid in grade school panting as he barely got 1/4 of the way up the rope climb. But back to Layla. Eventually, we got her to come over. It wasn't hard, what with us being VIPs. The rest is a lapdance blur. I think out of the 4-5 of us left at that point, we each got a dance. She was a pro, and I thank her father for neglecting her as a child. Without him, she might be waitering at Applebee's and never discover her pole climbing talent.

Now, I'd love to give more details, but fiance Kim might read this, and I don't need to blow up J's spot. Nothing inappropriate happened. I know that much. I'm not a man for strip clubs, but if I'm going, I'm gonna have fun.

Live it up! It's a celebration!

posted by Jordan @ 11:21 AM,


At 11:23 AM, Blogger Jordan said...

PS- Fiance Kim did read this post and laughed the entire time. Its good to know she has a sense of humor and is confident that no two-bit, pole-climbing, Morrocan-Jew floozy can hold a candle to the might and awe of fiance Kim.


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