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Nuerotic Harmony and Bankroll Envy

I was looking at a bunch of different poker blogs today. It seemed to me that each player had at least a thousand dollars in play, whether playing online on 6 different sites, $8/$16 limit games, or some other limit that makes my online bankroll look like chump change. Of course, chump change would make my online bankroll look like chump change, so that isn't saying much.

It got me a little down. How can I take myself seriously as a poker player when my contemporaries have hundreds or thousands of dollars to play with, compared to my $20 (give or take) monthly online buy in and my weekly or evey other week $20-$60 home games.

Ironically, my brother, a non-poker player, used to joke a lot about me being a poker degenerate. He'd leave notes around the house with the number to GamAnon (Gamblers Anonymous), or some other addiction comment to get under my skin. Ribbing is part of brotherhood, but after a while it got to me.

I suppose, in a sense, I am "addicted" to poker. If there is an accessible home game, its hard to say no. If I'm at home and bored, I'll go right to Golden Palace Poker. But I never, and I mean never, play with more than I should. Even when I lost big in Vegas ($460), I had previously won $505. For the year so far, I have rarely been in the red, and have never been in the red since mid-January.

The reason why I do not play with bigger quanitities (regardless of my urge to do so) is because of my anal rententiveness. I am too practical to enter $50 tournaments online, because if I lose, I'm screwed. Even with a decent job as a NYC lawyer, I am practically living pay check to pay check in an attempt to prepare for my upcoming wedding and pay down debt incurred while I was a broke student. So, my anal retentiveness would never allow me to spend a lot of money on poker, regardless of my (alleged) addictive personality.

So, to recap, I am "addicted" to poker, but I am too "anal retentive" to spend a lot of money on my addiction. My pathologies are in perfect balance. Thanks ma! And thank you too Golden Palace, for the access to uber-low stakes action. It's little more than playing a video game, with rare real-world consequences (my $170 and $270 wins are the exception), but it feeds my need.

As for the sites by people who play with thousands of dollars, I commend thee for your success, or alternatively, I commend thee for not caring about your money (someone has to be free-spirited). I hope to one day join your ranks...once I am out of debt, married, and making enough money where $1000 is not a big deal. Tick tock. Just waiting it out.

posted by Jordan @ 12:34 PM,


At 2:54 PM, Blogger Poker Gamer said...

thanks for the link. i've linked up to you now too. :)

At 3:20 PM, Blogger D said...

Try scouring the sites for free rolls, yes you will be 1 of 2500 other people in a tournament, but you can feed your addiction at no cost. If you win you can add it to your bank roll. Or if you do have 20 bucks, look for a 20+2 with a high guaranteed pay off. I just came in 2nd in a 30+3 NLHE and won 933. Keep your head up, your bankroll will follow.


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