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Unlucky in Love

I have a little secret to tell you. My wife is bad luck. It's a sad state of affairs, but there is something about wifey Kim and poker that makes for a deadly combination.

Some people ask, "Hey Jordan, why doesn't wifey Kim play poker?" Half of the time, these people are trying to determine if wifey Kim is even real. The other half of the time, these people are really just auditory hallucinations brought on by excessive consumption of narcotics. But the third half of the time, it's a very valid question. Why doesn't wifey Kim play poker?

The reason, my friends, is the same reason why you and I do not get manicures. Manicures are made for a certain type of person. Yes, a female, but even moreso, a female who wants to be feminine. Or perhaps a female who wants to be pampered on occasion. But the point is, people do what they do in any aspect of life because it fits them. I don't get manicures and wifey Kim doesn't play poker.

To play poker (not well, mind you, but just to play the freaking game) there must be some impetus to play. For me, its the gambler's buzz, that feeling of adrenaline that comes with making a great (or terrible) play. Poker also appeals to my competitive nature. Finally, poker appeals to my love of games.

So, in other words, I play poker because I like the excitement, competition and gamesmanship. Wifey Kim, not so much. She likes excitement, sure, but she is not a gambler at heart, even though she dabbles at casinos. She likes games, but for some reason the gamesmanship in poker doesn't appeal to her. Ultimately, though, it is the issue of competition where wifey Kim falls short. It's a wonderful thing, really. Wifey Kim is just not a competitive person. She wants to see others succeed and she is willing to help anyone in that endeavor. Me? No such problem. When I am at the table, it is my goal to make you subservient. Give me your chips. Do as I say. Go home broke.

In the end, it is wifey Kim's lack of bloodlust that makes poker a non-entity to her. But then there is that other aspect I hinted at early on.

Wifey Kim is bad luck at the poker table. I hate saying it. I truly do. But when wifey Kim comes home while I'm playing an MTT or calls during a live game, I can't help but hear that doom switch turn on. In fact, she has a remarkable ability to appear just as I am about to get my chips all-in.

Case in point. Last night, in the Hoy, I busted in the first hand to that mother fucker Surflexus (you know I love ya, Surfy). At a shorthanded table, it folds to Surf in the SB. He calls. I check the BB with ATc, determined to play a bit tighter. The flop comes down T88. He checks to me and I put out a small bet. He calls. The turn is a King of clubs, giving me a nut flush draw (one of the 8s was a club). I believe that Surfy bet out, I raised, he re-raised and I pushed. It was an awfukkit moment, I suppose. But the other aspect was that wifey Kim was floating around me. She was tired, about to head to bed and wanted to talk to me before turning in. The river was an offsuit 2 and I busted.

Okay, it may not look like wifey Kim had much to do with that hand. Frankly, I just pushed my hand too hard, unable to believe that Surf had hit his 8, and then unable to care when I developed a silly flush draw. But there is something about wifey Kim's presence that sticks. It's not just that situation, but other situations where her presence has caused me to fall apart at the table.

So what's at work?

First of all, let's take all the blame away from wifey Kim. She isn't really unlucky. Instead, her presence obviously triggers something in me. Perhaps it is that old Freudian idea: gamblers want to lose to punish themselves for their perceived inadequacies. Perhaps when I am playing poker and wifey Kim is presented to me, I realize that the poker is a distant second to wifey Kim and I am wasting my time with a silly game. Perhaps this leads to an unconscious desire to "punish" myself for not focusing on the important things.

That'd be a nice way to look at it.

The other way would be that wifey Kim's presence is a distraction. I naturally put wifey Kim above all else, including poker. So when she enters the room or calls me, I over-compensate for my poker time by concentrating on my girl. Maybe I don't give a shit about the game suddenly because wifey Kim is more important. Maybe I get into an awfukkit attitude because wifey Kim is my backup. If I know that busting means I get to go home to wifey Kim early or that I can focus on wifey Kim instead of the laptop, maybe that temptation to just stop playing well is just too great.

Ah, hell. All I know is that if I never won a hand of poker again, I'd still be lucky for having wifey Kim. But from here on out, I'm keeping detailed notes of what happens when she calls during a live game or interrupts me during an online game.

At the Lawyers' Game this weekend, another player mentioned the same phenomenom. Whenever his girlfriend called and he was all-in, he'd lose. So, does this happen to you too?

Until next time, make mine poker!

posted by Jordan @ 3:13 PM,


At 4:42 PM, Blogger smokkee said...

whenever Tina enters the room and i'm lucky enuf to get "it" all-in, i win every time.

At 8:10 PM, Blogger TripJax said...

chickjax and wifey kim seem a lot alike. they will have to meet soon...

At 11:50 AM, Blogger NewinNov said...

It appears that way but I'm just making an excuse for my poor play. Almost like my aggression factor increases with her presence. But then again, sometimes it works out with a positive result. I would suspect a different effect depending on whether I'm playing cash games or a tourney.


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