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Therapuetic Blogging


I feel like shit.

About a month or two ago, I had random days where it would feel like someone was pressing upon my adam's apple or that space in the center of your neck, right above the clavicle. It came and went. I didn't even pay much attention to it. I just figured that I was getting fat, and my shirt collars were too small.

Two weeks ago, the throat problem became constant. I went to a new doctor, but she sucks. She's Russian, and I don't trust her at all. Those two statements aren't entirely linked, but I can't help but feel like she prefers my Insurance payments more than treating me. I went in two Fridays ago. My appointment was at 3:15. I saw the doctor at about 4:30. This alone was enough to upset me. Meanwhile, I had done my own research and had reasoned that my sickness was probably a thyroid problem. The symptoms of a thyroid problem (which I exhibited) include the thyroid impinging on my throat, weight gain (nothing substantial), dry skin, loss of hair (insert joke here), and fatigue. I had them all.

Dr. M told me that it could be my thyroid, but she'd have to do a blood test. She couldn't do one on Friday because I had eaten, so my blood sugar and cholesterol would be off. She wanted me to come back sometime next week. I asked her if the food would effect the thyroid test, and she told me no. To which I replied, "I'm here for my thyroid, so take the test. I can't take off from work for nothing." She took the test. At the time, I was in the middle of a horrible cold, so those symptoms seem to muddy the waters. Dr. M provided some random allergy medication and something else. I took them all, and they did jack shit.

I arranged for another appointment for the next Friday after the weekend saw my neck in the same horrible condition. My cold was improving, but my neck was just as bad. I could barely eat (which I love to do) because of nausea, combined with the pain of swallowing. So, I set the appointment for 3:00 on Friday. I got there at 3. I didn't see her until 4:30. Fucking bullshit. When I saw her, I had one goal in mind: get a referral (required by my insurance) to see an ENT specialist (Ear, Nose & Throat) about my throat. She told me that the thyroid test was fine...but that she was concerned with my blood sugar levels! BITCH, I thought. CHECK YOUR FUCKING RECORDS! I ATE BEFORE IT! I explained it to her, but in more civil terms. She told me that she still wanted me to come back for a blood test. I told her, "First, I solve the neck. Then we can have a physical." I resigned myself to never going back to that shill. I did, however, get a referral, not to a ENT, but to a GI (gastro-intestinal). It turns out that the new prime suspect is Acid Reflux Disease.

Now, GERD (that's its technical name) sounds like a bitch disorder. Oh, so your acid enters your esophagus! Just take some antacids. Well, fuck you too! Because it's fucking breaking me. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday. I have heartburn. My back aches. My throat is soar. It burns, and when I lie down, or when I burp or when I cough or when I breath I can feel the acidic taste entering the back of my mouth. And I have to wait until Thursday, just to know if that is what is wrong with me.

Meanwhile, I woke up from last night stressed about the trial I've been assisting with. I thought as I awoke, Maybe I should stay up. I can get to the office early and get some stuff done. I looked at the clock. It was 2:30. I then woke up every hour until 6:00. I then woke up every 10 minutes until 6:40. I then woke up every 5 minutes until 6:55. I gave up and started my shower.

I feel like shit. My throat hurts, my back hurts, I'm exhausted and stressed, I can't eat because of the throat pain and nausea, but I know that not eating is bad for me. I feel broken, and the worst part is, I don't know how or when I'll be fixed. That's probably the scariest thing. I might not even have GERD.

So, I'm bitching. And I'm sorry. But I needed to get this out so I can accept this bullshit. I'm so fucking tired.

I felt the same way last night. Add to it all the late night at the office scrambling to prep for today, and I was in bad shape. My game suffered. My ability to socialize even suffered.

I think I'm done complaining for now. Man, I'm tired. I know this isn't a sick-bitch blog, and I know that I am probably exposing this shit to my friends and family who read this, and frankly (Ruff and others) excuse me for being such an extroverted bitch when it comes to this shit. But also, thanks for not giving me shit about it later, when I'm reading this and going, what was the big deal! The Dr. told me it was only gas!

posted by Jordan @ 6:31 PM,


At 9:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, get yourself straight. We'll be here when you get back. Hope you get better soon.

And when you do, I want to read about your court fuck up...

At 11:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like GERD all right. I take Nexxium, used to take prevacid. Changed my life.

They sell Prilosec over the counter now. Takes about 10 days to build up enough in your system to have an effect from what I've been told. Might be a good stop-gap until you get something prescribed.

At 10:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man, the excuses on the 45 SNG are flowing already??

Just kidding man. Hope you get it figured out quick and are back to yourself in no time.

At 3:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a thyroid problem and take daily medication for it but if you were referred to a ENT doctor that's the wrong specialty.

You should have been speaking with an Endocrinologist (glands specialist).

Hope you get well soon.


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