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Atlantic City Bachelor Mayhem (Pt. 3)

The group all met at the bar to decide the next step in the bachelor party mayhem. Jefe, J-Dub, Dre and soon-to-be-bro-in-law Marc had brought enough alcohol to drown a herd of elephants. We transfered the assorted booze to the party room...and filled the tub with ice. After some hanging around, Robbie Hole, Randy, Roose, Ilan, Marc, bro Keith, bro David and I headed to the buffet for some much needed sustenance. We also were able to sneak a salt shaker, lemons, a bunch of small cups, and some larger cups so that our makeshift bar was complete.

With some time to kill before the musical theatre (read: strippers), Marc and I decided to play some craps. Or, more accurately, craps played us...again. Fucking craps! If it wasn't so much fun, I'd stop playing all together. Marc and I finished up at blackjack, where I lost the mesely amount of money left from the craps donations.

Once done, we headed upstairs. The entertainment was due to arrive in a half-hour, but meanwhile, stragglers of the group were already pre-gaming in the hotel room. Tequila is my shot of choice, and fortunately, my friends know me well. I cracked open my first beer of the day, and a shot was ready in no time. After a couple of rounds, I was ready for some action, but this time it wasn't poker action.

When the girls arrived, I noticed immediately that Jasmine wasn't with them. Jasmine was the girl on the company's website. She was supposed to appear specifically, but the two stand-ins weren't bad. Noel was a tall girl with large bazoombas (read: eyes) and bad curly blond hair. She was acting the part of the headliner, but I was more interested in Stripper #2, whose name I never got. #2 was a brunette, with a nice set (read: three-of-a-kind) and a cute face. She had personality, and pretended like she was interested a lot better.

The details are better left unsaid. There were lapdances and whipcream and lollipops in bad bad places. I kept dressed, for the most part, and did a fine job of blocking out the 15 guys surrounding the action. At the end of the soiree, we were all with empty pockets. But guys being guys, the idea of private lap dances came up. The only thing accurate in "private lap dances" is "private". I knew the guys had something planned. It was fairly obvious with my group. What they didn't realize was that they hired the wrong girls (or at least the wrong time). No extras from these girls, especially since they had other appointments. No wheeling or dealing worked, and the guys were resigned to see me embarass myself in public without the added hilarity of going into the private room for god knows what. Humorously, Noel (the bitch!) said to me, while grinding away (read: playing super-tight for a small profit), "I'm preparing you for marriage." Then she announced it was time for them to go. I replied, "Damn right you are preparing me for marriage. You get me all hot and bothered and won't put out!"

The truth of the matter is, I was super glad that nothing happened. I don't even think that it would be much of an issue with fiance Kim, believe it or not. Rather, I'd enjoy myself for 10 seconds of climax (read: all-in with the nuts) and then immediately feel remorse and want to muck those chicks out of there. I'd also be several hundred dollars broker. No. My mistress is lady poker. She might be a whore, but I haven't gotten any diseases yet...if you don't count the gambling addiction.

More to come...Patience....

posted by Jordan @ 12:31 PM,


At 1:56 PM, Blogger GaryC said...

When you finish this, it needs to be all tied together and submitted somewhere for publication. Love the poker tie-ins.

Great job, as usual, J. I feel like I was there.


At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shit that was some good stuff...But ahhh were is the web site link!! That was a good read to end my day here at this muck-hole called work.

At 3:53 PM, Blogger Jordan said...

Sorry, man. I lost the link a long time ago. But it's probably for the best. You shouldn't be looking at those sites at work.

At 4:12 PM, Blogger TripJax said...

Quite a post. I love lollipops.

Sounds like instead of a limp raise you got raise limped when they left.

At 5:01 PM, Blogger Jordan said...

This would've been the first time when I wouldn't mind being sucked out on! OH!

At 5:47 PM, Blogger GaryC said...

Sucked out on?

I think I'd rather raise and have her go all in over the top of me!



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